"I don't know, Larissa, I just don't know." Was her soft and gentle reply. Since then we haven't spoken in detail about how my life is playing out in worldly standards, but I have perceived that my mom actually is walking nearer to me in these times then she was before, even when she hasn't said I should just buck up and the "luck will change" things lately. I appreciate more than anything that she doesn't try to give me an easy answer, because there are no easy answers...there is enough for today...and that is all.
I know the Lord is actively teaching me the things which disciples throughout history have known; Athanasius, Perpetua, Jan Huss, James Renwick, Jonathan Edwards, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, William Tyndale, John Bunyan, J. Gresham Machen, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Jim and Elizabeth Elliot along with the other members of their group, Stephen and the early disciples, Paul Schneider, Corrie ten Boom, All the Prophets of the Old Testament like Jeremiah and Daniel, Job and so many others who just haven't come to mind (most of these are examples of people I have studied their writings or read biography(ies) on).
These examples of faithfulness in the face of great struggle in this world do not all translate to death, although some do. Some lost their reputations, some their jobs, some their safety and comfort, some were hunted and besieged all their lives, Tyndale and Jeremiah lost all their work: one in Prophesy and one in translation. Many lost loved ones, and several lost their freedom, they endured great hardships including beatings and dehumanization, loss of health, horrible humiliations and all this for the simple fact that they chose to follow and remain close to the Lord; all for love and obedience.
But one thing that sets these believers apart is the fact that none of them were surprised by the Cost this thing called Christianity brought to them. Not one of them (if you read a biography or an actual first person paper) seems to show surprise that living in this world with a passion and abandon for life they way He intended it can cost you a lot. In fact when you read or study many of these followers (for a good example Corrie ten Boom says "because my sister died, I get to talk about Jesus all the time") you see that these struggles/sufferings made them know they were marked out by Christ because their lives resembled His life on the earth and gave them a reason or ability to speak more about the truth. He was rejected, and so were they; he was beaten, and so were they; he was imprisoned and so were they; he was wrongly accused and so were they; He was punished for doing what was right and so were they; He was criticized and demeaned and so were they; he was unemployed and so were they; he was homeless and at times so were they. Their life because of Christ had taken on the glow of His life.
What choice do we have if things just don't work out? If things are harder? If all you really do only have enough for today? A roof for today, a meal for today, a friend for today? Is it enough?
Can I like Corrie ten Boom say that I don't believe in the rapture because it gives believers a false sense of security and weakens them for the struggles that life holds? Am I willing to struggle for the sake of Christ? Are you?
Even though I do not like to bear up under this obvious struggle that is continually before my eyes I know that bearing these things is a joy for me because it colors my life like His own. I am singled out like He was and I know myself to be "peculiar" like Paul wrote to Titus (Titus 2). I also know, like Paul writes in 2 Cor that I have this treasure (ie. the gospel of Grace) in earthenware vessels (ie. weak little me...highly expendable) and the more battered this vessel is (ie the more beaten and bruised I become...the more I show up less and less) the more the treasure (ie the gospel can be viewed by people looking in on my situation) can be seen. Read 2 Cor 4 for a deeper look at what Paul says about our earthenware vessels (these weak and expendable bodies of ours).
