Where are the Others?

I ask God often, "Where are the others?" never dreaming that he was raising up fellow sufferers in my midst and then I realized! "That means they are feeling like I have felt, oh, NO! That's not what I meant!!" I have never felt so torn before about the truths of the cross. Knowing that I desire others to stay the corse to endure to bear up under the cost to  continue in the path of affliction, but I don't desire others to suffer or to be abased! I want people to understand what it is to walk along after Christ but I forget that means they must bear a cross, they must become like christ is!

Wanting NORMAL

If you aren't already laughing I hope you will imagine five crazy children in one small apartment with two tired parents and a whole lot of sin and struggles and then feel free to laugh....hard!

 You may be thinking like I know the people in the grocery store ALWAYS do, is normal even possible?

Do we Want to Be Happy?

In a recent speech before a group of international researchers, [Ben] Bernanke talked about the difference between happiness -- a subjective and transitory feeling -- and well-being, which is a longer-term measure. He said that keys to finding long-term life satisfaction include "a strong sense of support from belonging to a family or core group and a broader community, a sense of control over one's life, a feeling of confidence or optimism about the future, and an ability to adapt to changing circumstances."

Some Reasons why I have NOT Arrived...

1)      I am still very selfish- Much of my parenting still revolves around me. I want things/have expectations that are not rooted in truth and are only desires that will gratify some felt need of my own. Like sleeping through the night. I get easily frustrated and annoyed getting woken up 3 to a gazillion times a night over bad dreams or getting too hot and cannot wake enough to throw off the blanket.  I get annoyed that I honestly cannot remember the last night I actually slept through without a disturbance. I am still SOO VERY selfish.

2)      I seek the approval of men- I want people to think I am a wonderful mom who has everything together! Let’s face it this has to be the MOST pointless and least useful reality of my fallen nature, but still it is a sad truth. I want my children to obey, not because it is a biblical mandate, but because then it makes me look good. I want my children to be perfectly clean and scrubbed, because then it reflects beautifully on me. And even if there is no one there to see how wonderful I am, I am more than willing to show off even just for myself! Pathetic! Trying to make my kids do things that aren’t really their responsibilities or their issues just because of my own standards and desires to impress! Wow! Flaming!

3)      I fail every moment of every day- Yup! I am a humongous failure at parenting! I don’t  do the things that I should. I get angry. I don’t supervise completely all the time. I sin daily and most often against these little people. I fail every moment of everyday! No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I do, no matter how many right or wrong answers I give, I always get it mixed up or something….and basically FAIL!

4)      I am not patient! A sad truth about the reality of my heart is that I lose my patience far too often.  Just yesterday my daughter told me her attitude was my fault and I answered her “My fault?! MY FAULT? So I TOLD you to misbehave?! I ASKED for your disobedience” Yeah, I was really patient, loving and mature!  So I really need to work on that. One of our sons wakes up at the same time every morning no matter what the evening before looked like and drives me crazy!

Always Teaching, Always Learning

When we think about our children and ourselves as a unit do we regularly think about how they are always leanring and we are always teaching, something?!

I often think about the things I was "taught" as a child even when I wasn't specifically learning. Did I know my parents accepted me as me, without any extras? Was my performance wrapped up in the ways people related to me? And my other thoughts swirl around in my head when I think about the expectations I place on my children.

Til Death?

"I think the institute of marriage is a noble thing. I think the idea of a partner for life is incredibly romantic. But now we're living to 100. A hundred years ago people were dying at age 37. Til death do us part was a much different deal."

Close Your Eyes

Many people in our culture make love to be based on appearance. "I will only love you if you are lovable" is the montra of this ideology and it is widely held. But this morning while I was getting three of my babes from the childrens rooms after the gathering today I saw a couple of parents with the most beautiful little curly blond-headed boy. The parents, like all parents, were overjoyed to see their boy after hearing the sermon, but this was different! These parents were blind!! They would not see their boy, not today and judging from their condition, not ever. Yet they adored this son of theirs! A son whose eyes they will never inspect, whose curly ringlets will never know the caress of a mothers eyes. And yet my heart was moved deeply by the love on their faces for this child!